no, i've not forgotten you and why I loved you. I got over you, some time ago, long time ago, but when you feel that strongly for a particular person for so long, and go through that much, you don't ever forget. In fact, you don't want to forget. I won't forget why you were special, and still are. Someday maybe, as His will allows it.

A FATHER'S RULES FOR FINDING FULFILMENT

Be courteous, be punctual, always say please and thank you, and be sure to hold your knife and fork properly. Others take their cue on how to treat you from your manners.

Be kind, considerate and compassionate when others are in trouble, even if you have problems of your own.
Others will admire your selflessness and will help you in due course.

Show moral courage. Do what is right, even if that makes you unpopular. I always thought it important to be able to look at myself in the shaving mirror every morning and not feel guilt or remorse. I depart this world with a pretty clear conscience.

Show humility. Stand your ground but pause to reflect on what the other side are saying, and back off when you know you are wrong. Never worry about losing face. That only happens when you are pig-headed.

Learn from your mistakes. You will make plenty so use them as a learning tool. If you keep making the same mistake or run into a problem, you’re doing something wrong.

Avoid disparaging someone to a third party; it is only you who will look bad. If you have a problem with someone, tell them face to face.

Hold fire! If someone crosses you, don’t react immediately. Once you say something it can never be taken back, and most people deserve a second chance.

Have fun. If this involves taking risks, so be it. If you get caught, hold your hands up.

Give to charity and help those who are less fortunate than yourselves: it’s easy and so rewarding.

Always look on the upside! The glass is half full, never half empty. Every adversity has a silver lining if you seek it out.

Make it your instinct always to say ‘yes’. Look for reasons to do something, not reasons to say no. Your friends will cherish you for that.

Be canny: you will get more of what you want if you can give someone more of what they desire.
Compromise can be king.

Always accept a party invitation. You may not want to go, but they want you there. Show them courtesy and respect.

Never ever let a friend down. I would bury bodies for my friends, if they asked me to . . . which is why I have chosen them carefully.

Always tip for good service. It shows respect. But never reward poor service. Poor service is insulting.

Always treat those you meet as your social equal, whether they are above or below your station in life. For those above you, show due deference, but don’t be a sycophant.

Always respect age, as age equals wisdom.

Be prepared to put the interests of your sibling first.

Be proud of who you are and where you come from, but open your mind to other cultures and languages.
When you begin to travel (as I hope you will), you’ll learn that your place in the world is both vital and insignificant. Don’t get too big for your breeches.

Be ambitious, but not nakedly so. Be prepared to back your assertions with craftsmanship and hard work.

Live every day to its full: do something that makes you smile or laugh, and avoid procrastination.

Give of your best at school. Some teachers forget that pupils need incentives. So if your teacher doesn’t give
you one, devise your own.

Always pay the most you can afford. Never skimp on hotels, clothing, shoes, make-up or jewellery. But always look for a deal. You get what you pay for.

Never give up! My two little soldiers have no dad, but you are brave, big-hearted, fit and strong. You are also loved by an immensely kind and supportive team of family and friends. You make your own good fortune, my children, so battle on.

Never feel sorry for yourself, or at least don’t do it for long. Crying doesn’t make things better.

Look after your body and it will look after you.

Learn a language, or at least try. Never engage a person abroad in conversation without first greeting them in their own language; by all means ask if they speak English!

And finally, cherish your mother, and take very good care of her.

 the less you depend on others, the less screwed up you get when they default on you (which tends to happen every now and then). that having been said, one cannot shy away from forging those strong friendships altogether, for we humans kinda seek after it too. Perhaps you just gotta choose the right people and have the good foresight to do that (:

in one sentence: Love OG 8 even more after Medicamp and I can see that the year ahead will most probably be nothing short of awesome, with them (:

I'm now sitting in the recovery room with cheeks stuffed fat full of blood-soaked gauze. Oh and my tongue is hanging loose like a dog from all the anesthetic :) pls do not try to imagine this though, not a very pleasant sight. And definitely not a very pleasant feeling. So thus begins 6 days of intense inflammation and of course 6 days of MC :) most importantly thank God for pulling me through this whole thing.

And now I can walk out of this hospital with a big grin on my face (at least trying) :D

you've gotta make a decision, stick to it, and don't look back no matter how tempting it is, because sometimes, what you believe to be patience and not being rash is actually just an excuse to carry on the current course of action, which is itself setting oneself up for further disappointment.

maybe this might be the last time we ever go out/see each other. i don't know and I don't wanna know.

The motives of friendship are not, cannot be, easy to be define. That is assuming that motives are constant across all individual minds, which is a lovely lie. The only underlying agenda (yes, it sounds so dry and painful, but it's probably quite true so deal with it already) that could possibly be constant when it comes to friendship is that we all want something. Whether it's wanting desirious company, wanting to be taken care of or even to have someone to give care to, you want something. Possibly your 'friend' is the means to an end, but I guess that'd be pushing it. Of course you fancy it to be both giving and taking. What you say you think you'd do is usually far from what you really do when it all boils down to spontaneity. Time tells, time whispers nasty truths sneakily over your shoulder to the next person and zips away before you can tape its mouth shut. The lack of time, the excess of unwanted time, the inexplicability of time passing fast, or slow. Time stops. Your heart floats to your throat as the moment drawls by sweetly slow, begins again, too fast, and then gone. Suddenly you know things which you are unable to explain, but you swear that you just...know.

So it maybe it can't be both giving and taking. Maybe it's All Giving. Two good friends means two people who have no problem giving a hundred percent to each other, so there's no issue of taking. It's all giving. That sounds good.

But more than 50% of the friendships we make just lie shipwrecked somewhere, forgotten. That's sad.

got this off a friend's archive (:

He lived in a Samsonite hardside briefcase
cat & all...
In it were stacked,
notes from Stockholm,
lies from China,
sometimes cries,
and cigar smoke.

Tobacco dust, like his tears found the corners
when he couldn't wipe them off his spectacle rims.
Those were old too...but comfortable.

In that case,
arguments of what might have become of Cambodia,
in the sixties, but never transpired.
Further down,
underneath layers of thoughts and words,
what he had proclaimed to primary figures
that had made the wars go around
and stop...

In that case, the late letters to
heads of states,
pleas for peace
in a sinking world...

Then came the cat,
orange and staring,
the warm distraction
he'd craved all his life.

A deck of cards was the only game he controlled.
Everything else had collapsed into a soothing frangrance of tobacco dust.

It all ended in the briefcase,
the smaller, crystal bowl realm of guesses
he could see through bifocals.

And one day the lid fell shut...
And Ralph was gone...
took his life over a balcony rail.

No one could face how he died,
and then, it was Dad's turn.
He crawled into the other side briefly,
and decided he didn't want to return.

He left the Samsonite briefcase on the dining table...
On it, a picture of himself, hugging Ralph.
- author of thewordsthatcomeout.blogspot.com

The weather is probably the first thing you noticed since the weekend, that suffocating stuffiness that just rests like a blanket all over the place, and sleep last night was rather erratic too. I can totally sense how that bodes well for the week.

To be stupid and push myself for the route march even though my leg might not be able to take it, or to play safe and just fall out halfway and thus forfeit the march? is a big question, is a very big question indeed...

Sometimes you think you know people when you see them, then you observe them for a while more, and you begin to see a different side to them, and you realise how far off your reading was. So that's me being perceptive, not judgmental. Then there are these group known as idiots, who just repeatedly give off this certain vibe about them that screams "warning, screwed up person around", and you apply your perceptive nature to the situation and give them the benefit of doubt. Only when others dish out their assessments of said person do you begin to regret giving them any quarter at all. Yes, in spite of being Perceptive according to the MBTI (Meyer Briggs something test), i do believe that there's a very small subset of people in this world who are really really screwed up. Life is this game, this game of reading people and not allowing unauthorised access to your inner person, and it is tiring, very tiring. But when you let your guard down, you get burned, you get burned by people you thought you could trust. When you let your heart rule your head and move your hands, you get burned. That's why the phrase "think before you speak/act" has been timely advice time and time again.

I'm not writing coherently, the stomachache calls out.

kinda miss you already

a year on and i still haven't settled my future. really dislike having uncertainties so much so I cannot plan.

imma confused person now really.

but the running has been good :D